In an age when we rely on technology, personal relationships are threatened. As a relationship therapist, I often experience through my younger clients, a struggle in relationship skills, as they depend on texting, social media and instant messaging to engage in the different stages of relationship building & relationship break-ups. Another problem is that this lack of personal connection in the preliminary stage of dating can affect how one can get to know dating prospects and explore if ‘chemistry’ exists between them.
It is so easy to hide behind a computer or send a quick phone text, that it seems people are bypassing engaging in using their senses of sight, smell, touch, authentic conversational & …vibration (energy). Technology has changed the dynamics of relationships, and this transition of a new communication style appears to be hurting romance.
Technology can help open the door to a potential romantic relationship, but it is no substitute for the ‘real thing’. Facebook, Instagram, X, Reddit, TikTok, Snapchat, DMs, texting, etc. are good icebreakers but how do you gauge if you have chemistry with someone? Making that phone call, hearing the expression in his or her voice, knowing that this potential partner took the time to share a conversation begins the ‘real’ connection. Don’t get me wrong, texting is great when you don’t have time for a conversation, to send a quick message, or even to send a little love note BUT it doesn’t replace face-to-face, breath-to-breath, energy that begins building the opportunities of a relationship or maintaining the one you’re in.
Technology has become the tool of convenience. It is also more detached and feels emotionally safer! It protects people from rejection but because of this, people aren’t developing good social and coping skills in relating and dealing with the challenges of relationships. There is only so much we can learn about a person via texting. In the beginning we truly don’t even know if it’s really them. Virtual meetings are a better way to use technology but there is nothing that can compare to the human connection and the sharing of one another’s energy.
The 35 and under generations are at higher risk for miscommunication, poor relationship skills & a lack of coping measures, which often leads to unhappy relationships. We can also factor in the 3 years of COVID where there was isolation and an extreme lack of social activities which hindered the human connection. This impacted all generations, but especially the younger generations, where group inclusion is vital for brain development, and for those young adults who desired to develop relationships but had nowhere to go. The fall-out of the pandemic, which is a topic on its own, is being felt now socially, as commitment is challenging, and social anxiety has increased. Hence, texting has become the number 1 way to communicate. It has become the new normal but unfortunately it comes with the loss of a deeper connection from eye-to-eye contact, which is so important to intimacy and courtship rituals deeply ingrained in our DNA. Without emotional vulnerability, there is a lack of intimacy, necessary for commitment and successfully working through relationship challenges.
Would you like him to bring you flowers or Instagram you a bouquet?
Would you like a card with his actual handwriting on it or a text message?
Men tend to be more cognitive and less emotional (safe) than women, and texting has its advantages, but when really interested in dating a woman, my female clients tell me that they would much rather hear a voice than read a text. Having the courage to ask someone out is part of the relationship process. Typically, a woman still desires the ‘warrior’, the guy that takes the risk to ask for her number, not to text, but instead to make the phone call to ask her out and to make that attempt to get to know her better!
Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous Master, by Christian Lous Lange
More to come on intimacy……..
